[Levi x Reader] Bring Me To Life

A sigh escapes into the silence as my shoulders drop. Ebony locks fall against my forehead and hang in front of my eyes as a few beads of sweat form on my brow.

I had that dream again.

I soar through the air at the first Titan I see, my blades poised and ready, the exhilaration surging in my veins. I strike the weak spot, spinning around and slicing down two others standing by in one fluid motion. Landing on a nearby tree branch, I look out to see the bloody mess I created...the bloody mess that should have evaporated by now... Taking a cautious step forward, I peer down to meet the mutilated face of Petra. Her once soft features smeared and washed out against the splashes of bright red, her head thrown back as her body lay limp against the base of the tree. I stumble back only to catch another horrific sight out of the corner of my eyes; the snapped neck leading to Gunther's blank eyes as his body hangs by a single wire. Swallowing hard to keep the bile down, my gaze follows past Gunther's remains to Eld's soft, dull eyes and the glisten of red spread across Oluo's face.

Next was pair of soft brown leather boots, up the innocent white pants, to remain on the crisp military jacket. I already know what I will find if I turned my head. But still, after all these times, I can't stop myself from looking. This is always the worst part of my dreams, and although the scenarios may change, this scene never fails to emerge. Resigned to my fate, I helplessly let my reluctant silver eyes make their way to meet yours. As always in my dreams, they are wide, empty, and accusatory. The furious fire I had once seen burning so brightly: extinguished and pathetic. And as always, it is too late to do anything.

Then the voices begin, gaining in numbers and riding on the whispering wind as it forces it's way through the trees.

"Humanity's strongest will save us!"
"It's okay, we will gladly lay down our lives for the Captain. He'll save us."
"We trust you, after all, you are humanity's strongest, right?"
"Yet why are we dead? Where were you, Captain?"
"You wouldn't lie, would you?"
"You'll save us?"
"Save us."
"Please--------"

It's always the same. Everyone who I've ever come to hold dear, gone in an instant by my own hand. And all I can do is watch from the sidelines, regretting every mistake I've made as a leader. No, as a friend.

You must have recently caught on to my troubles because you've been treating me with a little more kindness and a little more care. Your words have been soft, your smile, beaming. Even after all the terrible things I've spat in your direction, you never seem to take them to heart. But it's not like I want to hurt you, I just know nothing else at this point. I want nothing more than your companionship, your affection, your love. But I can't bring myself to tell you. There's no guarantee you would stay with me, so what's the point in trying anymore?

Isabelle, Farlan, Gunther, Eld, Petra, Oluo

I can't let you be next on that list. So I've tried everything I could to push you away; extra cleaning, harsh words, longer training days. Anything to avoid getting close to you. But still, you've never complained and you always come back to my office with those shining (e/c) orbs and that radiant smile.

"Tch. What the hell is wrong with your face?"

"Nothing, sir, I'm just happy to see you."

"Well stop gawking like a fucking idiot and get back to training, brat."

"Yes, sir..."

Every insult that I've said to you has poisoned my tongue; I hate that I have been so cold. But it's for the best, right?

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb.

"Sir? Are you alright?"

I glance up from my never-ending stack of paperwork, an almost inaudible groan escaping my throat as the grogginess of last night settles in. "What's it to you?" I sigh, placing my pen down on the desk beside my paper. Your eyes are concerned, there's no hiding that, but I won't let it get to me.

"Well it just seems like you haven't been getting much sleep, Captain," you respond in that sweet voice that melts my ice-cold insides, "Is there something bothering you?"

"No. Now if you have no other business with me, there's the door." My tired eyes avert back to my paperwork, but the words blur together. Blinking to straighten my vision, I take a breath and run my fingers through my bangs in an attempt to move them out of my sight. When I didn't hear footsteps or the sound of the door, I glanced up again to see you, unmoved. "Are you deaf or some shit? What the hell do you want?!"

You took a small step forward, approaching my desk. "Please forgive me, sir, but I don't believe you. Your eyes are bloodshot and your face is pale. Something's wrong."

Your forward act caught me off guard to be quite honest. No one has dared say that to me, much less so nonchalantly. Aren't you frightened or uncomfortable around me? Don't my stinging words hurt you? Why are you still here? Why?

'Why?'

"Why?!" A fist slammed against the desk, rattling the contents on top. You flinched, but didn't step away. "Why the hell are you still standing there like an idiot?! Get the fuck out of my office, you stupid brat!" Silence filled the room as my breaths begin to slow to normal. I could tell that you were considering your next move. With a curt nod, you apologize and salute me as if I was actually worth something. And within five seconds, you're gone...the door closing just as gently and calmly as it was opened.

Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

The rest of the day moves slowly, almost painfully. Functioning on a serious lack of sleep, I need to just rest my head. But being "Humanity's Strongest Captain Levi", I can't even get two seconds to myself without being bombarded with paperwork or petty issues that I have no interest in dealing with. But Erwin, I'm sure, has noticed my tragic work ethic recently and given me a little time off for the night.

My heavy eyelids fall shut within seconds of reaching my desk and I soon drift off only to be tortured with nightmares of my past that startle me awake once more. My old companions, Isabelle and Farlan, were in this one, staring up at me as Titans crushed their every limb before stuffing them into their disgusting mouths like a lightweight snack. I can't help but feel that I let them down. I couldn't save them. I couldn't save any of the ones who died. All because I put my faith in my teammates and trusted that they could get the job done without me. Not that they were mediocre soldiers who needed my supervision at all times, but that they all put every ounce of trust and faith that they contained in their bodies in me. And I failed them. It's my fault.

"It's my fault..."

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark.

"It's not your fault."

A foreign voice alarms me and I sit up quickly to find out who had entered my office without permission. Before I can shout any sort of retort, the image of (h/c) locks and bright eyes comes into sight. Shit. I've been caught. And not just caught by Erwin or Hanji or even a dumb brat like Eren; no, caught by you.

"Tch. What did you say?" I inquire, the huskiness clearing from my throat.

A strand of hair falls in front of your gorgeous face, and you reach up to tuck it behind an ear, a nervous habit you have that I've picked up on. "It's not your fault, sir," you repeat, "The deaths of your comrades. That's not your fault."

In utter shock, I try to keep myself from staring. There's no way you could know that's what I was feeling, right? I've numbed myself to it. I've built up a steel wall, so how is it that you are able to see through? How do I react? What do I say? Should I shoo you out of my office? Should I brush you off and ignore your statement? My eyes sting, tears threatening to fall, but I hold them back. I couldn't break down in front of someone, especially not in front of you. My throat closes up as I try to choke out my words, nothing of meaning able to escape.

You take one, two, three, four steps toward me until your hand was in contact with mine on my desk. I want to flinch; I want to pull away, but everything in me relaxes at your gentle touch. I want you by my side, but I can't risk you leaving me alone. What if I get killed in battle? What if I'm given orders to leave my squad?

What if...? What if...?

"What if you die...?"

The words unwillingly made their way past my lips. Your face, just as taken aback as mine upon hearing them. My heart practically stops mid-beat as I dread the pause of your response.

"Sir?"

"What if you die?" There's no use lying, salty tears already beginning to overflow from my eyes. "What if I fuck up just long enough for you to end up dead like the rest of them?" I don't know what I would do if I lost you, if you left me.

Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become

A kind smile graces your lips as you lean down to my sitting level, and I feel a subtle kiss left on my forehead. Such a simple action; and yet, my nerves settle at ease as my breath balances back to normal. I search your eyes for any falter or fright, but can see none. You're as calm as can be. Stunning features, beautiful hair, the capability of having such an effect on me; all you and only you. One of my calloused, scarred hands finds your cheek, cupping it as softly as I possibly can as if handling porcelain. You giggle, illuminating my heart with the cheery sound. Everything about you drives me insane; I only wish you knew how I felt. I wish I wasn't so romantically-challenged, so I could verbally express to you exactly what is on my mind. But wishing doesn't do much of anything. Only action, right?

So on that note, I urge you closer and kiss you, your lips just as angelic as they appear, as you

Bring me to life